We’ve had a few poker games at The Gaming Annex in Muskegon. It’s been a while since our last game however. Playing poker in lieu of playing Clash of Cultures can be a tough sell. The last several card games I’ve participated in were at Bubba’s or his extended family. That is usually enough to satiate the gambling bug for a while. There is an entire jargon associated with poker. And that jargon includes cute names for your poker hand. When I researched this, I couldn’t believe how fleshed out this topic was. Here are some of my favorites.
1. Dead Man’s Hand
Probably the most famous named poker hand, Dead Man’s Hand is almost legendary. It stems from the Wild Bill Hickok’s poker hand when he was shot in the back by the criminal Jack McCall.
The hand is always composed of a pair of aces and a pair of eights. The fifth card is apocryphal. Casinos in Las Vegas sometimes depict it as a 5♦. Doomtown listed the card as a J♦. Since we are more in tune with Doomtown than with Las Vegas casinos, we will call the card a Jack of diamonds. 🙂
A pair of Jacks and a pair of fives can be called Motown. It’s a pun for “Jacks ‘n fives” or “Jackson Five”, Michael Jackson’s childhood group.
Speaking of which, I found myself rocking out to “Shake your body down to the ground” yesterday on my way to the Annex. If you haven’t listened to this song in a while, do yourself a favor and put on some rollerskates and get your funk on.
3. The Village People
A poker hand with all the queens is referred to as the Village People, an homage to the 70’s music group by that same name. It seems that poker players like 70’s pop music, what with the Jacks ‘n Fives and Village People names given to their poker hands.
I wouldn’t turn down a poker hand of four queens. Keep the Village People coming!*
*No double entendre implied.
4. TK421, why aren’t you at your post?
Han was the first to fire not only in the Mos Eisley Cantina but also in the Death Star hangar bay. An unsuspecting stormtrooper with the designation TK421 waltzed up the Millennium Falcon’s ramp but didn’t waltz back down. Han put on the stormtrooper’s garb to gain access to the Death Star.
Plot hole: what happened to the dead body of TK421? We don’t see the stormtrooper’s carcass on the Millennium Falcon later.
This poker hand is named for that famous stormtrooper TK421. Dubbed, no doubt, by some rabid Star Wars fan with a gambling fetish.
5. Nits and Lice
The smallest two pair you can have would be a pair of 2’s and a pair of 3’s. Poker players, in their flippancy, call this nits and lice–the critters that infest the unclean and/or the unlucky. When removing lice, it’s important to get their eggs out as well or you’ll have another outbreak in 7 to 10 days.
I won’t show you a picture of actual nits and lice. That would be gross. Instead, I’ll show you the poker hand Nits and Lice. And here is a picture of a pomsky to go with it. Isn’t it cute? (A husky Pomeranian hybrid).
6. Hot Waitresses
You can tell poker is a male dominated sport when there is a poker hand named “Hot Waitresses”. A pair of 10’s and a pair of 3’s bears this moniker because it’s “tens with treys”.
Here is everyone’s favorite non-jive speaking stewardess…she’s 70’s hot. I won’t show you the google images that come up when you type in “hot waitresses”. This website is rated PG-13…at least for now.
7. Kansas City
Statistically, the worst hand in poker is a 7 high hand that is off suit. This hand gives you little ability to generate a winning hand because of the long odds to get a straight, a flush or to cobble a good set.
Dubbed the Kansas City because of a poker variant lowball game by that name.
This author wonders if the name of the statistically worst hand should be changed to Oakland…
8. Other names of note
Golf Bag…because it’s a set of clubs. Any flush of clubs is a golf bag.
2’s are sometimes called ducks. Three of them are called Huey, Louie and Dewey.
What’s a queen for? Housework. Yes, poker players are shameless.